Kind Thoughts for Dark Matter

Well, back to the matter at hand: dark matter. My investigations continue, and I follow the litterature closely. There have been some interesting developments, both in the litterature and in my own personal cogitations. I will tell you of them now.

First, and just as a reminder: we still don’t know what dark matter is made of. No we don’t. There is general agreement that it is created by annihilation, some something gets destroyed and from destruction come creation. Which is a hopeful thing, really. So we know it’s there, but we don’t know what it’s made of. Hmmf. It could be a mess o’ mesons, or a heap o’ Higg’s bosons. I don’t know, but neither does anyone else.

Secondly, we know it’s clumpy. That’s been widely reported. Here, and here, and here, and other places. You could look it up, or you could take my work for it. Yes, clumpy... which is perhaps surprising, considering it’s genesis in annihilation. You’d think, if something started off by getting all blowed up, it’d be all scattered hither and thither, and not clumped. But no. Conclusively: Clumped.

But, why is it clumpy? Huh? Well, there are several possible explainings possible. It could be that it is sticky. That’s a possibility, and if that’s the case, I think it would be because of how cold it is out there in space. Like how ice-cubes stick to your fingers, if you have fingers and they’re a little bit wet. I wouldn’t think it’s sticky like gluey, candycane sticky. No, more like don’t-lick-that-frozen-pole-you-silly-monkey sticky. So that’s one possible possibility.

Or, the dark matter could clump together because it’s magnetic. Or even gravitationic. Which seems possible, since we know there are phenomenons like that. And we’re talking about fundamentally basic particles here, and even tho nobody understands how magnetonic bodies actually grabbitate toward each other, nobody much doubts that they do. So maybe that’s what makes the dark matter clumpy.

Or maybe it got wrinkled in the dryer, and got static cling. That’s a minority theory that not many investigators consider.

But my problem with these theories is basic: if it were sticky or magnetic, all the dark matter would all stick together in one big clumpy clump. And it doesn’t: it forms clumps, but they aren’t evenly distributed. Yes. At first, I hypothesized strings. Like string theory, or cat-in-th-cradle. But the most recent news is, dark matter clumps in halos. At least that’s what this says: http://www.mpa-garching.mpg.de/HIGHLIGHT/2002/highlight0206_e.html, I think. Like angelic headwear, I guess. Yes. Halos. Not one big clump. SO.

So my theory? Glad you asked. I think the dark matter is lonely. So it reaches out to other dark matter for comfort in the cold dark space where it’s just been annihilated to, and clumps together like that baby monkey grabbing a terrycloth-and-chickenwire surrogate monkey-mom. But having been annihilated all thither and yonder to begin with, it's kind of hit-or-miss if it can find some fellow dark matter to latch on to. Hence, scattered clumps, and filigrees, and halos.

Some of my colleagues might say I’m monkeypomorphizing primordial subatomic particles, and that may be true. However, I prefer that to just shrugging my shoulders and writing it off as unknown. When someone comes up with a better theory, I’ll consider it, fairly and objectively. Until then, I hope that all that dark matter finds a friend.

more later
Mr. Eddy.