Monkies Got Tails

Well. Hmm de hmm hmm hmm. OK. Although I'm an astrophysicist by trade, I of course try to keep up with the latest developments in all areas of science. And so I have heard the news that news reports (here, and here, and here, and there) now report that a large population of western lowland gorillas has been "found" in the Congo. Yes, they’ve discovered apes in the Congo. Apes. In. The. Congo. Sort of like discovering coals in Newcastle, init? But anyway, it is now widely reported, and so I suppose it’s true. In the Con-go. That's where I’m from, by the way: ChiCongo. Yes indeed, I am. So of course I'm interested, and of course you want to hear my opinion. Allright. Very well.

Well, here it is: nobody discovered nothing! Those apes revealed themselves. They were there all the time, but chose not to be known by outsiders, happily doing gorilla things. And now they have chosen to be known. Of. Yes they did, and bloody foolish of them to do it, if you ask me (and you did ask, didn't you?).

Now there's gonna be all kinds of Natural Geojerks and Jane Goodygoodals and Diana Floozies descending on them, invading their privacy and taking poornographic pictures and counting their nosehairs... not to mention hunters, and anti-hunting activists, and tax collectors, and finally the Fuller Brush salesman with a special on Silverback Lice Combs. Free shipping or no, I think it's going to be a lot of Bother, and not worth it.

If those gorillas aren’t careful, someone will discover their radio telescopes, and then all heck will break loose. All heck. Hmmphg!

more later,
Mr. Eddie

PS: I’m canceling my subscription to Scientific American. “Where Have All the Monkeys Gone?”!?! I’ll tell you where they’ve gone: they’ve gone back to their tenured positions at major universities to teach primatologists basic primate classification! Gorillas are not monkeys, they are apes!!! dammit.

ME